i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
