I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
