The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
