i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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