I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
