Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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