Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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