Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
