so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
