That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
