At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
