i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
