How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
