mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
