the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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