you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
