Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
