if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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