Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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