I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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