Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
