You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
