i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
