If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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