O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
