Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
