I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
