If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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