U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
