fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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