I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
