That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish I only lived at night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
