That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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