I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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