Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
