Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
