New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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