And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
