I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
