he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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