Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
