soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
