oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
