okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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