I feel great
I just peed on a car
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
