Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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