Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
