im holly from the hills drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
