I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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