you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
