He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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