This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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