I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
