Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My life is pants optional.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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